Bad experience with Hospice, any suggestions?

My husband, Jim, was at the VA Hospital in Dallas.  I was pleased with his treatment considering all the things I had heard, but it is all the insurance he had, so we had no choice.  For months, they gave him blood, he was in and out….then on Nov 19th, 2010 had emergency surgery….he had more than 12 tumors in his intestines….They kept him in the hospital until the 29th, and then spoke to us…He wanted to go home also…but they explained to him and myself that there was no way we could properly care for him…that he needed 24/7 care, and that is more than regular Hospice will do….that we   would need many people to help and still it could be an issue…So the VA had a new Hospice center on campus they moved Jim there…I was distraught….not even sure if Jim knew where he was….he was only there  hours, passed on Nov 30, 2010…..Amazing….and wonderful he did not have to stay there long.  He passed in his sleep, with a peaceful look on his face…I was asleep , but awoke at 12:55 am….with a feelling that something was wrong…they came in…He had just passed…I knew it…God awoke me….I thought we would be there for weeks, have time to talk about where he was and his chance s of coming home….but the Angels came quickly for him…No more pain for Jim…just pain in my heart for missing him…but he is a far better place.

Take Care,

Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER

My husband, Jim, was at the VA Hospital in Dallas.  I was pleased with his treatment considering all the things I had heard, but it is all the insurance he had, so we had no choice.  For months, they gave him blood, he was in and out….then on Nov 19th, 2010 had emergency surgery….he had more than 12 tumors in his intestines….They kept him in the hospital until the 29th, and then spoke to us…He wanted to go home also…but they explained to him and myself that there was no way we could properly care for him…that he needed 24/7 care, and that is more than regular Hospice will do….that we   would need many people to help and still it could be an issue…So the VA had a new Hospice center on campus they moved Jim there…I was distraught….not even sure if Jim knew where he was….he was only there  hours, passed on Nov 30, 2010…..Amazing….and wonderful he did not have to stay there long.  He passed in his sleep, with a peaceful look on his face…I was asleep , but awoke at 12:55 am….with a feelling that something was wrong…they came in…He had just passed…I knew it…God awoke me….I thought we would be there for weeks, have time to talk about where he was and his chance s of coming home….but the Angels came quickly for him…No more pain for Jim…just pain in my heart for missing him…but he is a far better place.

Take Care,

Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER

My husband, Jim, was at the VA Hospital in Dallas.  I was pleased with his treatment considering all the things I had heard, but it is all the insurance he had, so we had no choice.  For months, they gave him blood, he was in and out….then on Nov 19th, 2010 had emergency surgery….he had more than 12 tumors in his intestines….They kept him in the hospital until the 29th, and then spoke to us…He wanted to go home also…but they explained to him and myself that there was no way we could properly care for him…that he needed 24/7 care, and that is more than regular Hospice will do….that we   would need many people to help and still it could be an issue…So the VA had a new Hospice center on campus they moved Jim there…I was distraught….not even sure if Jim knew where he was….he was only there  hours, passed on Nov 30, 2010…..Amazing….and wonderful he did not have to stay there long.  He passed in his sleep, with a peaceful look on his face…I was asleep , but awoke at 12:55 am….with a feelling that something was wrong…they came in…He had just passed…I knew it…God awoke me….I thought we would be there for weeks, have time to talk about where he was and his chance s of coming home….but the Angels came quickly for him…No more pain for Jim…just pain in my heart for missing him…but he is a far better place.

Take Care,

Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER

My husband, Jim, was at the VA Hospital in Dallas.  I was pleased with his treatment considering all the things I had heard, but it is all the insurance he had, so we had no choice.  For months, they gave him blood, he was in and out….then on Nov 19th, 2010 had emergency surgery….he had more than 12 tumors in his intestines….They kept him in the hospital until the 29th, and then spoke to us…He wanted to go home also…but they explained to him and myself that there was no way we could properly care for him…that he needed 24/7 care, and that is more than regular Hospice will do….that we   would need many people to help and still it could be an issue…So the VA had a new Hospice center on campus they moved Jim there…I was distraught….not even sure if Jim knew where he was….he was only there  hours, passed on Nov 30, 2010…..Amazing….and wonderful he did not have to stay there long.  He passed in his sleep, with a peaceful look on his face…I was asleep , but awoke at 12:55 am….with a feelling that something was wrong…they came in…He had just passed…I knew it…God awoke me….I thought we would be there for weeks, have time to talk about where he was and his chance s of coming home….but the Angels came quickly for him…No more pain for Jim…just pain in my heart for missing him…but he is a far better place.

Take Care,

Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER

My husband, Jim, was at the VA Hospital in Dallas.  I was pleased with his treatment considering all the things I had heard, but it is all the insurance he had, so we had no choice.  For months, they gave him blood, he was in and out….then on Nov 19th, 2010 had emergency surgery….he had more than 12 tumors in his intestines….They kept him in the hospital until the 29th, and then spoke to us…He wanted to go home also…but they explained to him and myself that there was no way we could properly care for him…that he needed 24/7 care, and that is more than regular Hospice will do….that we   would need many people to help and still it could be an issue…So the VA had a new Hospice center on campus they moved Jim there…I was distraught….not even sure if Jim knew where he was….he was only there  hours, passed on Nov 30, 2010…..Amazing….and wonderful he did not have to stay there long.  He passed in his sleep, with a peaceful look on his face…I was asleep , but awoke at 12:55 am….with a feelling that something was wrong…they came in…He had just passed…I knew it…God awoke me….I thought we would be there for weeks, have time to talk about where he was and his chance s of coming home….but the Angels came quickly for him…No more pain for Jim…just pain in my heart for missing him…but he is a far better place.

Take Care,

Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER

My husband, Jim, was at the VA Hospital in Dallas.  I was pleased with his treatment considering all the things I had heard, but it is all the insurance he had, so we had no choice.  For months, they gave him blood, he was in and out….then on Nov 19th, 2010 had emergency surgery….he had more than 12 tumors in his intestines….They kept him in the hospital until the 29th, and then spoke to us…He wanted to go home also…but they explained to him and myself that there was no way we could properly care for him…that he needed 24/7 care, and that is more than regular Hospice will do….that we   would need many people to help and still it could be an issue…So the VA had a new Hospice center on campus they moved Jim there…I was distraught….not even sure if Jim knew where he was….he was only there  hours, passed on Nov 30, 2010…..Amazing….and wonderful he did not have to stay there long.  He passed in his sleep, with a peaceful look on his face…I was asleep , but awoke at 12:55 am….with a feelling that something was wrong…they came in…He had just passed…I knew it…God awoke me….I thought we would be there for weeks, have time to talk about where he was and his chance s of coming home….but the Angels came quickly for him…No more pain for Jim…just pain in my heart for missing him…but he is a far better place.

Take Care,

Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER

Tracy,  I do not think I could of cared for my husband at home….As I think back to all the care he needed, I know we did the right thing…I was not wanting to do…asked Jim if he knew what this meant…he smiled…and said, yes, when I get better, I'll go home…I agreed..  He was so weak….The doctors assured me he was a smart man, he knew where he was going, was trying to protect me, and I believe himself too….It all happened so quickly, that we did not address all those issues…and then after we got there, within 12 hours it was all over….He did not have to stay long at all….It was not a bad experience….except for loosing the love of my life…what I mean is the facility was nice, clean, Chaplains available…nice room, refrigerator, place to put clothing, private bath, nice place to sleep for me, nice big window to look outside…as comfortable as possible, but absolutely not home….that does bother me some, he wanted to be home, as I did, but he did realize that right then he could not…because a few times, at home, he had passed out, and was able to catch him, lucky we both were not hurt…wishing you all the best.  iT IS A MOST DIFFICULT TIME OF ANYONE'S LIFE.  He passed 4 days before our 43rd wedding anniversary…

Take Care,

Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER

Tracy,  I do not think I could of cared for my husband at home….As I think back to all the care he needed, I know we did the right thing…I was not wanting to do…asked Jim if he knew what this meant…he smiled…and said, yes, when I get better, I'll go home…I agreed..  He was so weak….The doctors assured me he was a smart man, he knew where he was going, was trying to protect me, and I believe himself too….It all happened so quickly, that we did not address all those issues…and then after we got there, within 12 hours it was all over….He did not have to stay long at all….It was not a bad experience….except for loosing the love of my life…what I mean is the facility was nice, clean, Chaplains available…nice room, refrigerator, place to put clothing, private bath, nice place to sleep for me, nice big window to look outside…as comfortable as possible, but absolutely not home….that does bother me some, he wanted to be home, as I did, but he did realize that right then he could not…because a few times, at home, he had passed out, and was able to catch him, lucky we both were not hurt…wishing you all the best.  iT IS A MOST DIFFICULT TIME OF ANYONE'S LIFE.  He passed 4 days before our 43rd wedding anniversary…

Take Care,

Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER

Tracy,  I do not think I could of cared for my husband at home….As I think back to all the care he needed, I know we did the right thing…I was not wanting to do…asked Jim if he knew what this meant…he smiled…and said, yes, when I get better, I'll go home…I agreed..  He was so weak….The doctors assured me he was a smart man, he knew where he was going, was trying to protect me, and I believe himself too….It all happened so quickly, that we did not address all those issues…and then after we got there, within 12 hours it was all over….He did not have to stay long at all….It was not a bad experience….except for loosing the love of my life…what I mean is the facility was nice, clean, Chaplains available…nice room, refrigerator, place to put clothing, private bath, nice place to sleep for me, nice big window to look outside…as comfortable as possible, but absolutely not home….that does bother me some, he wanted to be home, as I did, but he did realize that right then he could not…because a few times, at home, he had passed out, and was able to catch him, lucky we both were not hurt…wishing you all the best.  iT IS A MOST DIFFICULT TIME OF ANYONE'S LIFE.  He passed 4 days before our 43rd wedding anniversary…

Take Care,

Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER

HI Tracy: I'm sorry to hear how difficult this experience has been for your friend's family. Each hospice should (ideally) have a care team that includes not only registered nurses, but also a social worker, a pastoral counselor, unlicensed nursing assistants (CNAs-which sounds like the "nurse" they sent to sit with your friend's dad), as well as a doctor who relies heavily on input from each of the other team members to make medical decisions (such as adjusting pain medication or recommending inpatient care). Usually, there will be a team leader who is almost always an RN.

It is so frustrating when the communication breaks down somewhere between the team and the caregiver(s). Often times, speaking with the social worker is the best way of communicating with the team. They are trained to take the time to explain the process and to ask questions, and can then relay the message to the medical providers. They are also probably the best advocate for the caregiver/family, as the nurses are so focused on patient care that they don't always consider whether or not they are communicating effectively with the family.

I would recommend talking to the social worker or the hospice team leader to request a team meeting. I hope they can get back on track so that your friend's family has some peace.

Take good care,

Mary Mendoza (former hospice worker), National Director of Volunteer Services

PS: The Hospice Foundation of America might also be able to provide recommendations: http://www.hospicefoundation.org

HI Tracy: I'm sorry to hear how difficult this experience has been for your friend's family. Each hospice should (ideally) have a care team that includes not only registered nurses, but also a social worker, a pastoral counselor, unlicensed nursing assistants (CNAs-which sounds like the "nurse" they sent to sit with your friend's dad), as well as a doctor who relies heavily on input from each of the other team members to make medical decisions (such as adjusting pain medication or recommending inpatient care). Usually, there will be a team leader who is almost always an RN.

It is so frustrating when the communication breaks down somewhere between the team and the caregiver(s). Often times, speaking with the social worker is the best way of communicating with the team. They are trained to take the time to explain the process and to ask questions, and can then relay the message to the medical providers. They are also probably the best advocate for the caregiver/family, as the nurses are so focused on patient care that they don't always consider whether or not they are communicating effectively with the family.

I would recommend talking to the social worker or the hospice team leader to request a team meeting. I hope they can get back on track so that your friend's family has some peace.

Take good care,

Mary Mendoza (former hospice worker), National Director of Volunteer Services

PS: The Hospice Foundation of America might also be able to provide recommendations: http://www.hospicefoundation.org

HI Tracy: I'm sorry to hear how difficult this experience has been for your friend's family. Each hospice should (ideally) have a care team that includes not only registered nurses, but also a social worker, a pastoral counselor, unlicensed nursing assistants (CNAs-which sounds like the "nurse" they sent to sit with your friend's dad), as well as a doctor who relies heavily on input from each of the other team members to make medical decisions (such as adjusting pain medication or recommending inpatient care). Usually, there will be a team leader who is almost always an RN.

It is so frustrating when the communication breaks down somewhere between the team and the caregiver(s). Often times, speaking with the social worker is the best way of communicating with the team. They are trained to take the time to explain the process and to ask questions, and can then relay the message to the medical providers. They are also probably the best advocate for the caregiver/family, as the nurses are so focused on patient care that they don't always consider whether or not they are communicating effectively with the family.

I would recommend talking to the social worker or the hospice team leader to request a team meeting. I hope they can get back on track so that your friend's family has some peace.

Take good care,

Mary Mendoza (former hospice worker), National Director of Volunteer Services

PS: The Hospice Foundation of America might also be able to provide recommendations: http://www.hospicefoundation.org