› Forums › Caregiver Community › Daughter with questions
- This topic has 6 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 6 months ago by
Cynthia C.
- Post
-
- February 20, 2013 at 3:48 am
Hi. My name is Megan and my father was diagnosed with melanoma. I do not think my mother is being honest with me. My dad was diagnosed early February. A little history…my dad is 84 years old and a stroke survivor. The first stroke happened 15 years ago and left him with out speech and very limited use of his right side. About 4 months ago he had a growth on his arm that his caregiver and my mom thought was a bed sore. The tried to treat it with compresses but it didn’t work. Over 4 months it grew, almost tripled in size. It also started to puss and bleed heavily and regularly.Hi. My name is Megan and my father was diagnosed with melanoma. I do not think my mother is being honest with me. My dad was diagnosed early February. A little history…my dad is 84 years old and a stroke survivor. The first stroke happened 15 years ago and left him with out speech and very limited use of his right side. About 4 months ago he had a growth on his arm that his caregiver and my mom thought was a bed sore. The tried to treat it with compresses but it didn’t work. Over 4 months it grew, almost tripled in size. It also started to puss and bleed heavily and regularly. The doctor removed it and sent it for biopsy. It came back as melanoma. Here’s the thing. All my mom keeps telling me is that melanoma is the slowest growing cancer that there is and she has known people with melanoma and it’s no big deal. That’s after she tried to tell me that melanoma is non-malignant. So you can understand my doubt in what she says. So all I really know is how fast it grew before it was removed and what I have read on the Internet which is very different from what my mom is telling me. I feel very in the dark. I guess I am looking for a little insight into whether or not it could be as simple as removing the melanoma and it being gone. Any thoughts would be very appreciated.
- Replies
-
-
- February 20, 2013 at 3:54 am
Could it be as simple as this was slow growing and removing it via surgery cures it? Yes. That does happen. However, when something seems to be growing that quickly, I would have my own doubts. Many types of melanoma are slow growing and can take years to become invasive. But they generally don't change in appearance that quickly. Without knowing more about the biopsy pathology report, we can only speculate. So yes, your mother could be telling the truth, or the truth as she heard it, but she could also be protecting you. And without her coming clean or giving you a copy of the pathology report, there isn't much we can do to help. I will say one other thing. At an advanced age, things can and do grow slower. My Dad is 88 and stage IV melanoma. He is not doing treatment. His is growing, but like everything else on his body, it isn't moving too fast. It will eventually most likely kill him, but right now I couldn't tell you if that will be this year or 3 or 4 years from now. Just too hard to predict.
Hopefully, your Mom will be more forthcoming with you in the future.
Best wishes,
Janner
-
- February 20, 2013 at 3:54 am
Could it be as simple as this was slow growing and removing it via surgery cures it? Yes. That does happen. However, when something seems to be growing that quickly, I would have my own doubts. Many types of melanoma are slow growing and can take years to become invasive. But they generally don't change in appearance that quickly. Without knowing more about the biopsy pathology report, we can only speculate. So yes, your mother could be telling the truth, or the truth as she heard it, but she could also be protecting you. And without her coming clean or giving you a copy of the pathology report, there isn't much we can do to help. I will say one other thing. At an advanced age, things can and do grow slower. My Dad is 88 and stage IV melanoma. He is not doing treatment. His is growing, but like everything else on his body, it isn't moving too fast. It will eventually most likely kill him, but right now I couldn't tell you if that will be this year or 3 or 4 years from now. Just too hard to predict.
Hopefully, your Mom will be more forthcoming with you in the future.
Best wishes,
Janner
-
- February 20, 2013 at 3:54 am
Could it be as simple as this was slow growing and removing it via surgery cures it? Yes. That does happen. However, when something seems to be growing that quickly, I would have my own doubts. Many types of melanoma are slow growing and can take years to become invasive. But they generally don't change in appearance that quickly. Without knowing more about the biopsy pathology report, we can only speculate. So yes, your mother could be telling the truth, or the truth as she heard it, but she could also be protecting you. And without her coming clean or giving you a copy of the pathology report, there isn't much we can do to help. I will say one other thing. At an advanced age, things can and do grow slower. My Dad is 88 and stage IV melanoma. He is not doing treatment. His is growing, but like everything else on his body, it isn't moving too fast. It will eventually most likely kill him, but right now I couldn't tell you if that will be this year or 3 or 4 years from now. Just too hard to predict.
Hopefully, your Mom will be more forthcoming with you in the future.
Best wishes,
Janner
-
- February 22, 2013 at 7:13 am
Hi Megan. As you know melanoma can be a big deal, especially a site that has bled or ulcerated. I think your Mom is downplaying it for one or all of the following reasons. No matter how old they are parents always try to protect their children. Your Dad is not a young man, disabled and in need of a caretaker. They may have decided not to go further with diagnostic procedures. The procedures themselves could be tough on him and if treatment is indicated what then? Do you put your father through it? Would he want to go through with it? Your parents may have discussed this already. They may feel you would try to talk them into treatment. I feel reasonably sure the doctor who removed the lesion had this discussion with your parents. Sit down with your Mom, let her know you know how serious melanoma is and can you help her with anything. Tell her you respect her wishes but you don't want to be kept in the dark. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
Cynthia
-
- February 22, 2013 at 7:13 am
Hi Megan. As you know melanoma can be a big deal, especially a site that has bled or ulcerated. I think your Mom is downplaying it for one or all of the following reasons. No matter how old they are parents always try to protect their children. Your Dad is not a young man, disabled and in need of a caretaker. They may have decided not to go further with diagnostic procedures. The procedures themselves could be tough on him and if treatment is indicated what then? Do you put your father through it? Would he want to go through with it? Your parents may have discussed this already. They may feel you would try to talk them into treatment. I feel reasonably sure the doctor who removed the lesion had this discussion with your parents. Sit down with your Mom, let her know you know how serious melanoma is and can you help her with anything. Tell her you respect her wishes but you don't want to be kept in the dark. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
Cynthia
-
- February 22, 2013 at 7:13 am
Hi Megan. As you know melanoma can be a big deal, especially a site that has bled or ulcerated. I think your Mom is downplaying it for one or all of the following reasons. No matter how old they are parents always try to protect their children. Your Dad is not a young man, disabled and in need of a caretaker. They may have decided not to go further with diagnostic procedures. The procedures themselves could be tough on him and if treatment is indicated what then? Do you put your father through it? Would he want to go through with it? Your parents may have discussed this already. They may feel you would try to talk them into treatment. I feel reasonably sure the doctor who removed the lesion had this discussion with your parents. Sit down with your Mom, let her know you know how serious melanoma is and can you help her with anything. Tell her you respect her wishes but you don't want to be kept in the dark. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
Cynthia
-
Tagged: caregiver
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.