Help with advice: 89 yr. old to undergo surgery

I think you can learn to do it…the nurse should show you if you ask. I know when they put my great grandma in a nursing home  after hip surgery they also over did her meds…she didn't know anyone and never got out of bed. The family took her out of there, slowly taking her off her meds they put her on. She knew eveyone again and was walking around…

I think you can learn to do it…the nurse should show you if you ask. I know when they put my great grandma in a nursing home  after hip surgery they also over did her meds…she didn't know anyone and never got out of bed. The family took her out of there, slowly taking her off her meds they put her on. She knew eveyone again and was walking around…

I think you can learn to do it…the nurse should show you if you ask. I know when they put my great grandma in a nursing home  after hip surgery they also over did her meds…she didn't know anyone and never got out of bed. The family took her out of there, slowly taking her off her meds they put her on. She knew eveyone again and was walking around…

My Dad was in his early 80s when he was diagnosed with a stage II melanoma.  He is mentally alert.  I had many discussions with him because he wanted to do nothing.  I finally convinced him that the WLE (wide excision) was extremely important.  He chose not to do the sentinel lymph node biopsy.  That's all he did except for monitoring.  Fast forward 5 years – he had a palpable lymph node under his arm.  Instead of removing all the lymph nodes, we just "cherry picked" that node. It was done under a local anesthetic.   He probably still isn't disease free – but often times at that age things just grow slow.  We are doing the minimum possible for him to preserve quality of life.  Removing all the lymph nodes would be a major surgery for him and it is under his dominant arm and the arm he uses for a cane.  Does your mother HAVE to have the SNB? Would you do the major surgery and remove all the lymph nodes in her groin area if the SNB was positive?  I know that doctors recommend what is the protocol, but you also need to determine what really makes the most sense for your mother.  Feel free to email me if you have questions.

Best wishes,

Janner

My Dad was in his early 80s when he was diagnosed with a stage II melanoma.  He is mentally alert.  I had many discussions with him because he wanted to do nothing.  I finally convinced him that the WLE (wide excision) was extremely important.  He chose not to do the sentinel lymph node biopsy.  That's all he did except for monitoring.  Fast forward 5 years – he had a palpable lymph node under his arm.  Instead of removing all the lymph nodes, we just "cherry picked" that node. It was done under a local anesthetic.   He probably still isn't disease free – but often times at that age things just grow slow.  We are doing the minimum possible for him to preserve quality of life.  Removing all the lymph nodes would be a major surgery for him and it is under his dominant arm and the arm he uses for a cane.  Does your mother HAVE to have the SNB? Would you do the major surgery and remove all the lymph nodes in her groin area if the SNB was positive?  I know that doctors recommend what is the protocol, but you also need to determine what really makes the most sense for your mother.  Feel free to email me if you have questions.

Best wishes,

Janner

My Dad was in his early 80s when he was diagnosed with a stage II melanoma.  He is mentally alert.  I had many discussions with him because he wanted to do nothing.  I finally convinced him that the WLE (wide excision) was extremely important.  He chose not to do the sentinel lymph node biopsy.  That's all he did except for monitoring.  Fast forward 5 years – he had a palpable lymph node under his arm.  Instead of removing all the lymph nodes, we just "cherry picked" that node. It was done under a local anesthetic.   He probably still isn't disease free – but often times at that age things just grow slow.  We are doing the minimum possible for him to preserve quality of life.  Removing all the lymph nodes would be a major surgery for him and it is under his dominant arm and the arm he uses for a cane.  Does your mother HAVE to have the SNB? Would you do the major surgery and remove all the lymph nodes in her groin area if the SNB was positive?  I know that doctors recommend what is the protocol, but you also need to determine what really makes the most sense for your mother.  Feel free to email me if you have questions.

Best wishes,

Janner

I am not sure if I can be of much help..but I will try. I have stage IV Melanoma..it is in my Lung.. no primary site is known.. I have never had any type of skin lesion. I jut had my 81 Birthday last Friday and started on Ippi on Monday.. I was a full time caregiver to my Husband who passed away 18 months ago.He had surgery to amputate both feet due to circulation issues..and had wound Vacs to both feet. The wound Vacs can be very hard to deal with..but if you think that your Mother would be cooperative..you or a nurse coming in to change the Vacs is do-able..if not painful.In my experience if you Mother knows who you are and where she is..sending her to a nursing home can start her off on a downhill trend..as well as many anesthsisa's can. If she is not cognative..well then it won't make all that much difference. Just my opinion…from a 81 year old.

Joan

I am not sure if I can be of much help..but I will try. I have stage IV Melanoma..it is in my Lung.. no primary site is known.. I have never had any type of skin lesion. I jut had my 81 Birthday last Friday and started on Ippi on Monday.. I was a full time caregiver to my Husband who passed away 18 months ago.He had surgery to amputate both feet due to circulation issues..and had wound Vacs to both feet. The wound Vacs can be very hard to deal with..but if you think that your Mother would be cooperative..you or a nurse coming in to change the Vacs is do-able..if not painful.In my experience if you Mother knows who you are and where she is..sending her to a nursing home can start her off on a downhill trend..as well as many anesthsisa's can. If she is not cognative..well then it won't make all that much difference. Just my opinion…from a 81 year old.

Joan

I am not sure if I can be of much help..but I will try. I have stage IV Melanoma..it is in my Lung.. no primary site is known.. I have never had any type of skin lesion. I jut had my 81 Birthday last Friday and started on Ippi on Monday.. I was a full time caregiver to my Husband who passed away 18 months ago.He had surgery to amputate both feet due to circulation issues..and had wound Vacs to both feet. The wound Vacs can be very hard to deal with..but if you think that your Mother would be cooperative..you or a nurse coming in to change the Vacs is do-able..if not painful.In my experience if you Mother knows who you are and where she is..sending her to a nursing home can start her off on a downhill trend..as well as many anesthsisa's can. If she is not cognative..well then it won't make all that much difference. Just my opinion…from a 81 year old.

Joan

All good replies here.  I am a geriatric SW who took care of my Mother with dementia for 11 yrs until she died in my home at age 95.  My husband has stage IV Melanoma, with surgeries to head, lymph nodes, lung, and radiation to hip.  I know what I have gone through.  With an 89yo dementia patient, first concern is quality of life.  My husband's 4" square patch off the top of his head was left to heal on its own—no graft.  I easily changed the dressing.  MD said graft would be a nuisance.  It's a good idea to decide what is quality of life for your dear Mother.  Nursing home is sometimes the only decision, but I would postpone it as long as possible.  Anesthesia, change of location, infection, can all lead to dilerium in older patients.  Look up dilerium.  It is a significant part of the process that is often overlooked and can be deadly in itself—and it's not a "good" death.  I wish for you peace and blessings to accept what is coming.  Email me:  Marjhaas@att.net.  I care.

All good replies here.  I am a geriatric SW who took care of my Mother with dementia for 11 yrs until she died in my home at age 95.  My husband has stage IV Melanoma, with surgeries to head, lymph nodes, lung, and radiation to hip.  I know what I have gone through.  With an 89yo dementia patient, first concern is quality of life.  My husband's 4" square patch off the top of his head was left to heal on its own—no graft.  I easily changed the dressing.  MD said graft would be a nuisance.  It's a good idea to decide what is quality of life for your dear Mother.  Nursing home is sometimes the only decision, but I would postpone it as long as possible.  Anesthesia, change of location, infection, can all lead to dilerium in older patients.  Look up dilerium.  It is a significant part of the process that is often overlooked and can be deadly in itself—and it's not a "good" death.  I wish for you peace and blessings to accept what is coming.  Email me:  Marjhaas@att.net.  I care.

All good replies here.  I am a geriatric SW who took care of my Mother with dementia for 11 yrs until she died in my home at age 95.  My husband has stage IV Melanoma, with surgeries to head, lymph nodes, lung, and radiation to hip.  I know what I have gone through.  With an 89yo dementia patient, first concern is quality of life.  My husband's 4" square patch off the top of his head was left to heal on its own—no graft.  I easily changed the dressing.  MD said graft would be a nuisance.  It's a good idea to decide what is quality of life for your dear Mother.  Nursing home is sometimes the only decision, but I would postpone it as long as possible.  Anesthesia, change of location, infection, can all lead to dilerium in older patients.  Look up dilerium.  It is a significant part of the process that is often overlooked and can be deadly in itself—and it's not a "good" death.  I wish for you peace and blessings to accept what is coming.  Email me:  Marjhaas@att.net.  I care.