Very sorry to hear of your despair and the position that you find yourself in with your health. It is very normal to being asking the questions that you are, but I don't think there are any answers.
Rsearch into MM has brought us great opportinity for surivial over tha past two decades, it is not perfect, but it means that many people with stage IV will beat MM and end up free of disease and able to carry on wit their lives. This was not the case twenty years ago, when getting a stage IV diagnosis only had one terrible outcome. So, we can be thankful and optimistic because of the recent advances in successful treatment.
As for "why you", well why anyone? Cancer, in all it's forms, spares no one because of the age, gender, ethnic origin or socio economic class. It takes only one single cell to replicate after it's DNA is damaged to create a cancer. A scientist once told me that what is more remarkable is that not everyone gets cancer, that some people don't they live cancer free their entire lives and die of old age. This apparantly is a more perplexing phenomenum than cancer! That's how good the odds are that a person will get some form of cancer.
So, don't waste time or energy loooking for these answers, and definitely don't blame yourself or anything you did or didn't do. Take that energy and apply it maintaining an optimistic mind, a strong body and a determined approach to fighting to regain your health, many have and you can too! I sure hope that one of the latest therapies will work for you and you will give us a post about being Stage IV to NED thanks to immunotherapy.
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