How do I tell my daughter Grandpa has cancer?
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How do I tell my daughter Grandpa has cancer?

› Forums › General Melanoma Community › How do I tell my daughter Grandpa has cancer?

  • Post
    • February 2, 2013 at 2:10 am
    Annabeth
    Participant

      My dad has just been diagnosed with Stage IV MM.  He had a mole on his chest removed last year.  They removed a lymph node from his armpit a couple of weeks ago that had mm.  His PET scan results show hot spots on his liver and bones.  I'm trying to not read too much online because everything sounds so doom and gloom.  My biggest concern is telling my 10yr old daughter that Grandpa has cancer.  Since she was born they have been inseparable.  They are bffs.  She's a bright girl and can take the truth but how do I tell her?  I don'

      My dad has just been diagnosed with Stage IV MM.  He had a mole on his chest removed last year.  They removed a lymph node from his armpit a couple of weeks ago that had mm.  His PET scan results show hot spots on his liver and bones.  I'm trying to not read too much online because everything sounds so doom and gloom.  My biggest concern is telling my 10yr old daughter that Grandpa has cancer.  Since she was born they have been inseparable.  They are bffs.  She's a bright girl and can take the truth but how do I tell her?  I don't want to scare her I just want her to understand what is happening to Grandpa.

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    • Replies
        • February 2, 2013 at 3:13 am
        jmmm
        Participant
          We faced this same struggle when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4. Our boys were 7, 8, and 10. We’ve learned to just be honest. They understand what cancer is, how it grows, where Dad’s tumors are/were. We’ve talked about how the different medications he takes work and what is involved in the surgeries he goes through (although we do gloss over details of surgeries….we very simply explain those. We’ve answered their question honestly about…and yes, we’ve heard the “is Daddy going to die.”. Not an easy question to answer, but they seem to take it all in stride. Or kids thrive on the honesty and know that they can come to us with any of their questions and fears. As a parent, we want to protect our kids from things, but we can’t ignore this and pretend it’s not happening. Over the past two years, we’ve had conversations I never imagined having with our kids, but we are definitely closer and our kids trust us to tell then the truth. It’s certainly not easy, and certainly not what I had imagined, but kids are resilient and just seem to roll with the punches.
          • February 2, 2013 at 3:13 am
          jmmm
          Participant
            We faced this same struggle when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4. Our boys were 7, 8, and 10. We’ve learned to just be honest. They understand what cancer is, how it grows, where Dad’s tumors are/were. We’ve talked about how the different medications he takes work and what is involved in the surgeries he goes through (although we do gloss over details of surgeries….we very simply explain those. We’ve answered their question honestly about…and yes, we’ve heard the “is Daddy going to die.”. Not an easy question to answer, but they seem to take it all in stride. Or kids thrive on the honesty and know that they can come to us with any of their questions and fears. As a parent, we want to protect our kids from things, but we can’t ignore this and pretend it’s not happening. Over the past two years, we’ve had conversations I never imagined having with our kids, but we are definitely closer and our kids trust us to tell then the truth. It’s certainly not easy, and certainly not what I had imagined, but kids are resilient and just seem to roll with the punches.
              • February 2, 2013 at 3:17 am
              jmmm
              Participant
                Sorry for all the typos…darn iPad:). Anyway, you get the gist of what I was saying. By the way…it’s not all doom and gloom. There are new treatments that are much better. My husband has been battling for just over 2 years and as of December is NED:). There are many folks on here that are years into a stage 4 diagnosis.
                • February 2, 2013 at 3:17 am
                jmmm
                Participant
                  Sorry for all the typos…darn iPad:). Anyway, you get the gist of what I was saying. By the way…it’s not all doom and gloom. There are new treatments that are much better. My husband has been battling for just over 2 years and as of December is NED:). There are many folks on here that are years into a stage 4 diagnosis.
                  • February 2, 2013 at 3:17 am
                  jmmm
                  Participant
                    Sorry for all the typos…darn iPad:). Anyway, you get the gist of what I was saying. By the way…it’s not all doom and gloom. There are new treatments that are much better. My husband has been battling for just over 2 years and as of December is NED:). There are many folks on here that are years into a stage 4 diagnosis.
                  • February 2, 2013 at 3:13 am
                  jmmm
                  Participant
                    We faced this same struggle when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4. Our boys were 7, 8, and 10. We’ve learned to just be honest. They understand what cancer is, how it grows, where Dad’s tumors are/were. We’ve talked about how the different medications he takes work and what is involved in the surgeries he goes through (although we do gloss over details of surgeries….we very simply explain those. We’ve answered their question honestly about…and yes, we’ve heard the “is Daddy going to die.”. Not an easy question to answer, but they seem to take it all in stride. Or kids thrive on the honesty and know that they can come to us with any of their questions and fears. As a parent, we want to protect our kids from things, but we can’t ignore this and pretend it’s not happening. Over the past two years, we’ve had conversations I never imagined having with our kids, but we are definitely closer and our kids trust us to tell then the truth. It’s certainly not easy, and certainly not what I had imagined, but kids are resilient and just seem to roll with the punches.
                    • February 2, 2013 at 3:05 pm
                    Phil S
                    Participant
                      I totally agree, honesty is the best policy, just open up the conversation with your daughter and answer all her questions. Kids are so resilient, and although none of us wanted them exposed to the difficult realities of life so soon, we didn’t get that choice. Our kids have been dealing with their father’s cancer since they were 5 and 7 years of age. Now, three years later, I can truthfully say they are stronger than I ever thought possible, and happy and adaptable too! We also take our children to a kids group at our local Hope Club (Gilda House) weekly, and they feel free to talk about things there, they may not say to us! Kids just need lots of love, and as long as they are getting that, they will do just fine in the long run! God bless, Valerie (Phil’s wife)
                      • February 2, 2013 at 3:05 pm
                      Phil S
                      Participant
                        I totally agree, honesty is the best policy, just open up the conversation with your daughter and answer all her questions. Kids are so resilient, and although none of us wanted them exposed to the difficult realities of life so soon, we didn’t get that choice. Our kids have been dealing with their father’s cancer since they were 5 and 7 years of age. Now, three years later, I can truthfully say they are stronger than I ever thought possible, and happy and adaptable too! We also take our children to a kids group at our local Hope Club (Gilda House) weekly, and they feel free to talk about things there, they may not say to us! Kids just need lots of love, and as long as they are getting that, they will do just fine in the long run! God bless, Valerie (Phil’s wife)
                        • February 2, 2013 at 3:05 pm
                        Phil S
                        Participant
                          I totally agree, honesty is the best policy, just open up the conversation with your daughter and answer all her questions. Kids are so resilient, and although none of us wanted them exposed to the difficult realities of life so soon, we didn’t get that choice. Our kids have been dealing with their father’s cancer since they were 5 and 7 years of age. Now, three years later, I can truthfully say they are stronger than I ever thought possible, and happy and adaptable too! We also take our children to a kids group at our local Hope Club (Gilda House) weekly, and they feel free to talk about things there, they may not say to us! Kids just need lots of love, and as long as they are getting that, they will do just fine in the long run! God bless, Valerie (Phil’s wife)
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