› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Husband newly diagnosed
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Aundrea.
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- April 3, 2015 at 1:56 pm
This week my family joined the collective journey that so many others are on….my husband was diagnosed with melanoma after having a funny looking mole removed from his temple. I am turning into a crazy person trying to find out any information I can…and if I'm honest the internet scares the crap out of me!
In late January of this year we noticed rapid changes in the shape and color and it had all the warning signs of something we needed to look into. He made an appointment with his dermatologist and had it removed in early March. The results came back melanoma … and here we are. We met with an ear, nose, and throat head and neck surgeon this week that has him scheduled for a sentinel node mapping, WLE (?), and biopsy for next Friday. My husband didn't have his path reports because I think he ditched them out of shock. Here are the things I know – He is .8mm, clarks level iii, ulceration present (pretty sure about that one) and there it is. That's it…you know what I know. I scheduled a follow up with a melanoma specialist (oncologist) at UT Southwestern Simmons Cancer Center in Dallas for 4/22 as I've read we need to find someone who specializes in this disease outside of our regular dermatologist/head and neck surgeon.
This is such a hard time, I've read it's one of the hardest times because there is so much uncertainty. We are younger (he is 38) with 3 boys all under 7 (set of identical twins) and he is self-employed while I work outside the home. We don't have grandparents that can step in and help so I'm starting to call on favors from our wonderful friends to help us out with the kiddos next week. Any words of encouragement would be helpful right now… I have no idea how/when to tell the kids either…googling that as well. I feel like we are doing everything we can to try and get in front of this but worry is eating me up. Also, I have zero idea about what his recovery will be like…not to mention how long it takes to get back all these results.
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- April 3, 2015 at 9:14 pm
I am sorry to hear about your husband's situation. Yes, the internet can be a scary place but can also be a great source of comfort and support. This board has a lot of people involved who know exactly what you are going through.
The news you shared is mixed. The best thing is the thickness–less than 1 mm is good. The ulceration is not something you want to see, but the thickness is of prime importance. You will know more after the surgery. Sounds like they will do a wide local excision (WLE), which is just cutting out more of the surrounding tissue to ensure that the margins are clear of cancer cells. They will also inject the tumor site with a radioactive dye and see where the dye goes. The dye will lead them to the lymph node (or nodes) that drains the area. THe node will be removed and evaluated to see if any cancer cells are present. If not, you are probably done except for regular and frequent skin checks. If the cancer is detected there they will likely have more scans done and recommend some additional therapy.
No-one knows the best approach for talking to children. They are smart, though, and know that something is going on. I tend to err on the side of keeping them informed, at least on a surface level.
Hope this helps.
Tim–MRF
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- April 4, 2015 at 2:24 pm
Thanks Tim. I appreciate the feedback. We too think the news is mixed – he had a shave biopsy so we are trying to prepare and not freak too much that the Breslow depth could change. The surgeon described everything so fast it felt like I was under water. I've gone back and forth on why they decided to do a shave biopsy but what's done is done. Now we know to ask for a punch or something else in the future.
I am so glad to have found this site and agree too educating ourselves is very important. In hindsight I am amazed how little attention Melanoma gets in comparison to the potential severity of the illness. I will continue to peruse the boards for WLE recovery stories. I don't get a good sense from the doctor what that recovery is like and further more if a full dissection (?) is needed what the recovery is like from that either.
BTW, found some really good recommendations for talking with the kiddos given their age and what their needs are – we feel better about what to say now it's just when… 🙂
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- April 4, 2015 at 7:33 pm
We found it beneficial to take a tape recorder and tell the doctor we wanted to tape this visit so incase we didn't remember all that was said we could relisten to it and he said that was just fine.
Judy (loving wife of Gene Stage IV and now NED ((no evidence of disease)) )
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- April 4, 2015 at 7:33 pm
We found it beneficial to take a tape recorder and tell the doctor we wanted to tape this visit so incase we didn't remember all that was said we could relisten to it and he said that was just fine.
Judy (loving wife of Gene Stage IV and now NED ((no evidence of disease)) )
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- April 4, 2015 at 7:33 pm
We found it beneficial to take a tape recorder and tell the doctor we wanted to tape this visit so incase we didn't remember all that was said we could relisten to it and he said that was just fine.
Judy (loving wife of Gene Stage IV and now NED ((no evidence of disease)) )
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- April 4, 2015 at 2:24 pm
Thanks Tim. I appreciate the feedback. We too think the news is mixed – he had a shave biopsy so we are trying to prepare and not freak too much that the Breslow depth could change. The surgeon described everything so fast it felt like I was under water. I've gone back and forth on why they decided to do a shave biopsy but what's done is done. Now we know to ask for a punch or something else in the future.
I am so glad to have found this site and agree too educating ourselves is very important. In hindsight I am amazed how little attention Melanoma gets in comparison to the potential severity of the illness. I will continue to peruse the boards for WLE recovery stories. I don't get a good sense from the doctor what that recovery is like and further more if a full dissection (?) is needed what the recovery is like from that either.
BTW, found some really good recommendations for talking with the kiddos given their age and what their needs are – we feel better about what to say now it's just when… 🙂
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- April 4, 2015 at 2:24 pm
Thanks Tim. I appreciate the feedback. We too think the news is mixed – he had a shave biopsy so we are trying to prepare and not freak too much that the Breslow depth could change. The surgeon described everything so fast it felt like I was under water. I've gone back and forth on why they decided to do a shave biopsy but what's done is done. Now we know to ask for a punch or something else in the future.
I am so glad to have found this site and agree too educating ourselves is very important. In hindsight I am amazed how little attention Melanoma gets in comparison to the potential severity of the illness. I will continue to peruse the boards for WLE recovery stories. I don't get a good sense from the doctor what that recovery is like and further more if a full dissection (?) is needed what the recovery is like from that either.
BTW, found some really good recommendations for talking with the kiddos given their age and what their needs are – we feel better about what to say now it's just when… 🙂
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- April 3, 2015 at 9:14 pm
I am sorry to hear about your husband's situation. Yes, the internet can be a scary place but can also be a great source of comfort and support. This board has a lot of people involved who know exactly what you are going through.
The news you shared is mixed. The best thing is the thickness–less than 1 mm is good. The ulceration is not something you want to see, but the thickness is of prime importance. You will know more after the surgery. Sounds like they will do a wide local excision (WLE), which is just cutting out more of the surrounding tissue to ensure that the margins are clear of cancer cells. They will also inject the tumor site with a radioactive dye and see where the dye goes. The dye will lead them to the lymph node (or nodes) that drains the area. THe node will be removed and evaluated to see if any cancer cells are present. If not, you are probably done except for regular and frequent skin checks. If the cancer is detected there they will likely have more scans done and recommend some additional therapy.
No-one knows the best approach for talking to children. They are smart, though, and know that something is going on. I tend to err on the side of keeping them informed, at least on a surface level.
Hope this helps.
Tim–MRF
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- April 3, 2015 at 9:14 pm
I am sorry to hear about your husband's situation. Yes, the internet can be a scary place but can also be a great source of comfort and support. This board has a lot of people involved who know exactly what you are going through.
The news you shared is mixed. The best thing is the thickness–less than 1 mm is good. The ulceration is not something you want to see, but the thickness is of prime importance. You will know more after the surgery. Sounds like they will do a wide local excision (WLE), which is just cutting out more of the surrounding tissue to ensure that the margins are clear of cancer cells. They will also inject the tumor site with a radioactive dye and see where the dye goes. The dye will lead them to the lymph node (or nodes) that drains the area. THe node will be removed and evaluated to see if any cancer cells are present. If not, you are probably done except for regular and frequent skin checks. If the cancer is detected there they will likely have more scans done and recommend some additional therapy.
No-one knows the best approach for talking to children. They are smart, though, and know that something is going on. I tend to err on the side of keeping them informed, at least on a surface level.
Hope this helps.
Tim–MRF
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- April 3, 2015 at 11:13 pm
Sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. Sentinal node mapping is wise. Tim gave you good info. I was 39 when I was diagnosed, with children aged 10 and 12. Only you will know how best to parent your children, but a level of honesty that meets the child's maturational level is often best. They know more than we think! I am now the ripe old age of 50 even after progressing to stage IV disease which hopefully your husband will not do. Just so happens that I recently wrote an essay for a publication mapping my journey. It is posted here and might be of interest:
You can use the bubble at the top left of my blog to search for info re pros and cons of sentinel node biopsy and other issues that you and your husband will soon be facing. MRF itself, as well as others on this site, provide a wealth of information and support as well. I wish you and your family my best. It will not be easy. But you can do this! I promise. Celeste
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- April 4, 2015 at 2:35 pm
Celeste – thank you for blogging your journey and your candor. Man, so much resonates in your story with the pace at which we are living. He is self-employed, crazy driven, very active and has a half Ironman coming up in 3 weeks (he won't participate – that is starting to sink in). Giving up on what he loves to do in his life isn't an option so we will have to try and work in our new normal to have balance. I got him to agree to see a Melanoma specialist although he thinks I'm crazy – but hey..he agreed. 🙂
Thank you for the words of encouragement. He keeps telling me to not waste my time on being sad or worrying and he's right. Now how do I get there? One moment I'm perfectly fine and I know we can do this – others not so much. I will keep you all posted – his surgery is next Friday and we are glad to have the SNB just praying for the best.
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- April 4, 2015 at 2:35 pm
Celeste – thank you for blogging your journey and your candor. Man, so much resonates in your story with the pace at which we are living. He is self-employed, crazy driven, very active and has a half Ironman coming up in 3 weeks (he won't participate – that is starting to sink in). Giving up on what he loves to do in his life isn't an option so we will have to try and work in our new normal to have balance. I got him to agree to see a Melanoma specialist although he thinks I'm crazy – but hey..he agreed. 🙂
Thank you for the words of encouragement. He keeps telling me to not waste my time on being sad or worrying and he's right. Now how do I get there? One moment I'm perfectly fine and I know we can do this – others not so much. I will keep you all posted – his surgery is next Friday and we are glad to have the SNB just praying for the best.
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- April 4, 2015 at 2:35 pm
Celeste – thank you for blogging your journey and your candor. Man, so much resonates in your story with the pace at which we are living. He is self-employed, crazy driven, very active and has a half Ironman coming up in 3 weeks (he won't participate – that is starting to sink in). Giving up on what he loves to do in his life isn't an option so we will have to try and work in our new normal to have balance. I got him to agree to see a Melanoma specialist although he thinks I'm crazy – but hey..he agreed. 🙂
Thank you for the words of encouragement. He keeps telling me to not waste my time on being sad or worrying and he's right. Now how do I get there? One moment I'm perfectly fine and I know we can do this – others not so much. I will keep you all posted – his surgery is next Friday and we are glad to have the SNB just praying for the best.
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- April 3, 2015 at 11:13 pm
Sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. Sentinal node mapping is wise. Tim gave you good info. I was 39 when I was diagnosed, with children aged 10 and 12. Only you will know how best to parent your children, but a level of honesty that meets the child's maturational level is often best. They know more than we think! I am now the ripe old age of 50 even after progressing to stage IV disease which hopefully your husband will not do. Just so happens that I recently wrote an essay for a publication mapping my journey. It is posted here and might be of interest:
You can use the bubble at the top left of my blog to search for info re pros and cons of sentinel node biopsy and other issues that you and your husband will soon be facing. MRF itself, as well as others on this site, provide a wealth of information and support as well. I wish you and your family my best. It will not be easy. But you can do this! I promise. Celeste
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- April 3, 2015 at 11:13 pm
Sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. Sentinal node mapping is wise. Tim gave you good info. I was 39 when I was diagnosed, with children aged 10 and 12. Only you will know how best to parent your children, but a level of honesty that meets the child's maturational level is often best. They know more than we think! I am now the ripe old age of 50 even after progressing to stage IV disease which hopefully your husband will not do. Just so happens that I recently wrote an essay for a publication mapping my journey. It is posted here and might be of interest:
You can use the bubble at the top left of my blog to search for info re pros and cons of sentinel node biopsy and other issues that you and your husband will soon be facing. MRF itself, as well as others on this site, provide a wealth of information and support as well. I wish you and your family my best. It will not be easy. But you can do this! I promise. Celeste
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- April 4, 2015 at 10:54 pm
I am so sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis. As you've already learned, the Internet is a very scary place for melanoma. Any statistics you've encountered are out of date and were collected when there were few treatment options. Melanoma treatment options have improved by leaps and bounds in the past 5 years and those statistics have just started rolling in. For the time being, stop looking things up on the Internet. Seriously, for your own sanity just stop. 🙂 If you have questions or concerns, come here and ask. Or search just this forum for information and links. Check the posting dates to make sure the information is recent.
You've done the right thing by seeking out a melanoma specialist for him because those folks are going to be the most up to speed on all the advances that are happening at a lightning pace. Right now IS a hard time because of all the uncertainty but that will pass. Really, it will. Once you know where you stand and there is a game plan in place, things get better.
What his recovery will be like will depend on what doctors find. I had a complete lymph node dissection in which all the lymph nodes from my left armpit were removed. Recovery time from that surgery was 2 weeks.
I don't blame your hubby for ditching his path reports. I didn't want to look at mine either. Tell him to not be embarassed to ask his primary care doc for some meds to help him through this time. Once things return to normal, he can ditch those. I ditched mine after about 3 months.
Your hubby will get through this.
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- April 5, 2015 at 3:24 pm
Linny, thank you. Today is a tough day and I'm not sure why it's any more tough than yesterday. Your words are very encouraging and you are right about the internet. I know enough at this point to try and wait this out with him until his surgery. We are doing what we can and having some tough conversations right now. I am comforted by your words and may re-read them again throughout the week. Best wishes to you!
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- April 5, 2015 at 3:24 pm
Linny, thank you. Today is a tough day and I'm not sure why it's any more tough than yesterday. Your words are very encouraging and you are right about the internet. I know enough at this point to try and wait this out with him until his surgery. We are doing what we can and having some tough conversations right now. I am comforted by your words and may re-read them again throughout the week. Best wishes to you!
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- April 5, 2015 at 11:55 pm
It's tough because it's Easter/Passover.
My final diagnosis was conveyed to me by a dermatologist with zero compassion. He had the personality of a toadstool. I had my visit with this guy on December 23, 2010. My birthday is around the same time of year. Needless to say there was no Christmas, birthday, or New Year's celebration that year. I know exactly what your hubby is going through. I've been thinking about the two of you all day.
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- April 5, 2015 at 11:55 pm
It's tough because it's Easter/Passover.
My final diagnosis was conveyed to me by a dermatologist with zero compassion. He had the personality of a toadstool. I had my visit with this guy on December 23, 2010. My birthday is around the same time of year. Needless to say there was no Christmas, birthday, or New Year's celebration that year. I know exactly what your hubby is going through. I've been thinking about the two of you all day.
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- April 5, 2015 at 11:55 pm
It's tough because it's Easter/Passover.
My final diagnosis was conveyed to me by a dermatologist with zero compassion. He had the personality of a toadstool. I had my visit with this guy on December 23, 2010. My birthday is around the same time of year. Needless to say there was no Christmas, birthday, or New Year's celebration that year. I know exactly what your hubby is going through. I've been thinking about the two of you all day.
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- April 5, 2015 at 3:24 pm
Linny, thank you. Today is a tough day and I'm not sure why it's any more tough than yesterday. Your words are very encouraging and you are right about the internet. I know enough at this point to try and wait this out with him until his surgery. We are doing what we can and having some tough conversations right now. I am comforted by your words and may re-read them again throughout the week. Best wishes to you!
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- April 4, 2015 at 10:54 pm
I am so sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis. As you've already learned, the Internet is a very scary place for melanoma. Any statistics you've encountered are out of date and were collected when there were few treatment options. Melanoma treatment options have improved by leaps and bounds in the past 5 years and those statistics have just started rolling in. For the time being, stop looking things up on the Internet. Seriously, for your own sanity just stop. 🙂 If you have questions or concerns, come here and ask. Or search just this forum for information and links. Check the posting dates to make sure the information is recent.
You've done the right thing by seeking out a melanoma specialist for him because those folks are going to be the most up to speed on all the advances that are happening at a lightning pace. Right now IS a hard time because of all the uncertainty but that will pass. Really, it will. Once you know where you stand and there is a game plan in place, things get better.
What his recovery will be like will depend on what doctors find. I had a complete lymph node dissection in which all the lymph nodes from my left armpit were removed. Recovery time from that surgery was 2 weeks.
I don't blame your hubby for ditching his path reports. I didn't want to look at mine either. Tell him to not be embarassed to ask his primary care doc for some meds to help him through this time. Once things return to normal, he can ditch those. I ditched mine after about 3 months.
Your hubby will get through this.
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- April 4, 2015 at 10:54 pm
I am so sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis. As you've already learned, the Internet is a very scary place for melanoma. Any statistics you've encountered are out of date and were collected when there were few treatment options. Melanoma treatment options have improved by leaps and bounds in the past 5 years and those statistics have just started rolling in. For the time being, stop looking things up on the Internet. Seriously, for your own sanity just stop. 🙂 If you have questions or concerns, come here and ask. Or search just this forum for information and links. Check the posting dates to make sure the information is recent.
You've done the right thing by seeking out a melanoma specialist for him because those folks are going to be the most up to speed on all the advances that are happening at a lightning pace. Right now IS a hard time because of all the uncertainty but that will pass. Really, it will. Once you know where you stand and there is a game plan in place, things get better.
What his recovery will be like will depend on what doctors find. I had a complete lymph node dissection in which all the lymph nodes from my left armpit were removed. Recovery time from that surgery was 2 weeks.
I don't blame your hubby for ditching his path reports. I didn't want to look at mine either. Tell him to not be embarassed to ask his primary care doc for some meds to help him through this time. Once things return to normal, he can ditch those. I ditched mine after about 3 months.
Your hubby will get through this.
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Tagged: cutaneous melanoma
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