Husband – Newly Diagnosed – Questions to Ask

Hi Michelle-welcome to the forum. Celeste aka bubbles has been around a long time and a great resource. 

Hi Michelle, I’m so sorry that you’ve had to join this group but welcome all the same. The good news is that this group is an amazing resource of knowledge and support.

I am being treated for Stage IV at The James (diagnosed 3/1/18) and have been very impressed with the level of care I’ve received. I’m not familiar with Dr. V but I would imagine he is on par with Dr. Shah and Dr. Kendra who I see.

As for second opinions, that is 100% a personal choice. While I was recovering from my craniotomy and getting my full pathology report, I did a lot of research to try to figure out what treatment plan I thought might be good for my situation. The plan outlined by my doctors aligned and I decided to move forward immediately with that. If my first treatment plan doesn’t work as I hope, I may consider consultations with other doctors before moving forward with the next treatment but, so far, I’m happy with where I am in this process. Also, I just did my first MRI since starting treatment and am happy to report my brain is clear of all cancer! 

I hope this helps. The first few weeks after getting the diagnosis can be really, really hard but it does get better once you have a plan and start treatment.

I’ll be thinking of you both.

Hi Michelle, so sorry you are here. My husband is also stage 4 he started treatment last month. I am going to tell you what many people have told me, there are amazing advances in treatment for melanoma now and you can get through this difficult time. Check out Celeste's blog it is full of useful information.You and your husband are in my thoughts.

I have no empirical evidence, but it made sense for me:  no more soda pop or straight sugars. I switched to one kombucha a day (my wife makes it from her own scobie), I like Whole Foods (not necessarily the store) that is not a lot of foods with an expiration date 10 years  from now. Get stuff that everyone in the family will eat willingly-don’t just have a good food for Tom-change the eating habits of everyone in the house. I cut down on red meat and switched to more seafood but don’t cut it out completely-he’s a man let him eat!  Ha! Slow and steady for the diet change not mass exodus. Exercise doesn’t have to mean cardio till you like but 30 minutes of sustained activity-30 minute walk with you would be a good time to bond and talk about the days events. It also clears the head and helps focus energy from crying to something with a purpose. Finally and most important for me-get involved in something that matters to you and him. For me- and my wife it was getting involved in our church and focusing on others. I k ow it sounds strange but when the world was crashing down on us, it helped to focus on others-definitely take time to  feel sad but then get up, dust yourselves off and get to work. As a side note, I struggled with guilt about the possibility of not being around for my 4 and 5 year old. Make no mistake-they need me but it was kinda egotistical for me to think I’m the one that matters most in their life. I believe God is number one and the second I put that into perspective I had a change of attitude. It’s hard and takes time, but control what you can-picking drs, immunotherapies etc, then let go and let tomorrow take care of itself. Be kind to yourself and prioritize your life. Figure out what matters most and needs to get taken care of immediately and then write it down. Blow the rest of the stuff off. Journaling will help both of you as well. I’m stage 3b Mel since 2013 and no longer have to go in for monitoring. Good luck and my family and I will be praying for you and your family!  Also if people ask what they can do to help think about something they can do and then be specific-like yea if you don’t mind mowing my yard that would be great-people want to help and support you!  We are all in this together!

http://chaoticallypreciselifeloveandmelanoma.blogspot.com/?m=1

 

celestes blog

Sorry you and your husband are here.  The folks here are very knowledgeable (and kind)!!!  I put this together and you might find it helpful:  

http://chaoticallypreciselifeloveandmelanoma.blogspot.com/2017/08/melanoma-intel-primer-for-current.html  

On the diet front:  I have eaten ALL the veggies…ALL my life…been a health nut…ran more miles for years than most.  And…guess what?  Still got melanoma and still progressed to Stage IV!  However, I still believe in good health (good rest, good exercise and good nutrition).  I still eat veggies.  I still run.  However, that will neither prevent melanoma nor cure it. So…do what you think is best…or what your hubby thinks is best.

See a melanoma specialist – ie an oncologist at an institution that takes care of lots of melanoma patients.  Arm yourself with good info regarding treatment options.  Ask more questions as you need.  There is hope.  I was Stage IIIb in 2003, recurrence in 2007.  Moved to Stage IV in 2010 with brain and lung mets.  After a 2 1/2 year nivo trial…last dose in June of 2013….not only am I still here…I remain NED {no evidence of disease} (there's a link to a post with all the acronyms at the end of the post I gave you a link to) with no further treatment.  Hang tough.  I wish you and your husband my best.  Celeste

Michelle, I’m up in Toledo, Ohio being treated at the Hickman Cancer Center in Sylvania, Oh which is right off the highway before Toledo. I’m very happy with the treatment I’ve gotten there. I got my second opinion at the University of Michigan with Dr. Fresher and she checks in with my doc regularly so that is nice, I highly recommend a second opinion just so you know you are getting the best treatment possible for his diagnosis. Good luck to you and welcome to our little community. We are here for each other even if you really don’t want to be. It’s a tough long road and we need people who actually understand.