I will do my best to make a very long story short.
I have Melanoma and recently had yet another scare (I had, what I am hoping to have been, a lipoma removed from my back last week – still waiting on path results). My husband felt the mass on Labor day, it was about 3-4cm in diameter and about an inch or so under my scar from my primary. Any lump, bump or mass on us people with Melanoma is completely terrifying for obvious reasons. So, needless to say, this month has basically been mentally hell.
Now a little bit about my husband. He has low testosterone and gets bi-weekly injections to combat this. With these injections comes a crazy sex drive. Let’s connect the dots…
Since my diagnosis a year and a half ago I have not been as ‘frisky’ as I was. We are married – been together for 10 years – our sex life isn’t what it was like during the first 3 years together. The most unfortunate side effect from Melanoma has been the constant fear of that nasty beast coming back and as I am sure all of you are aware, that thought never travels too far from view.
I am already emotionally shut off (which is why I tend to write my feelings – this is why my blog has helped me through this whole shit-show). I like to joke that I am a phenomenal ‘wall builder’ and essentially use that as a defense mechanism. During times when I am freaked out about one thing or the other, I close right up like a clam. Sex can be so far from my thought process – and half the time my husband has been drinking and that doesn’t help the situation either. We’ve been fighting quite a bit lately about this…our fights can be nasty and he tends to throw out the “D” word (divorce). It’s exhausting and frustrating and I just wish it would stop. But just simply wanting it to stop doesn’t “turn me on” – especially when we’re in the middle of one of these nasty arguments.
My question is how to help this?! Have you dealt with this and how?
~(lack of sex)ually frustrated
