I'm back in Houston y'all! Nestled into my hotel room and prepping for tomorrow as the results from the SNLB are going to be life changing either way. First, I'm really excited about getting this "pincushion" removed from my scalp either way that's a win for tomorrow! Second, I'm excited/anxious…ok, even nervous because I get my SNLB results back tomorrow. I feel like I'm prepared for a Stage III if that's what the news brings but the reality of the treatments is probably bothering me most (the back and forth to Houston, the possible-side effects, time away from work, cost, drain on my fiancee, etc., etc.) but none of that even comes close to possibility of taking on and beating the hell out of this insidious disease. Hope outweighs costs every time I run the algorythym.
I know many, if not most of you, had this night, the night before node results. Some of you might have received results "out of the blue' from a phone call so there was perhaps less suspense. Not sure I would prefer that. I think getting the results in person tomorrow will work better for me because if they are good Dr. Ross is getting himself a great big man hug. If they aren't so good, he's going to get a lot of questions from me about the next steps and we put together the war plan.
I got to thinking about the collective amount of mental effort this group (and me included) that has expended worrying about the "what ifs". Its normal, its human, its what we do, but just imagine if that mental effort we expended on worrying about this bastard (my new name for it, and lower case b at that) was spent doing something productive, meaningful, loving, or relaxing? We'd all be better off for it. I suspect the worry will get the best of us at times, but we can fight it, at least give it the old college try.
So tonight, when I'd rather medicate myself with several stiff drinks and pass out (don't get me wrong, I'm not a big drinker, it just sounds better than worrying), I'm going to write some letters to people who have a special meaning in my life. Fortunatey, yet sadly, there aren't that many.
I think, no, I know that tomorrow when I wake up I'll feel much better and hopefully so will a few really important people in my life no matter what the day brings!
For the spiritual warriors out there…prayers are always appreciated and welcomed by me. Good vibes and happy thoughts are also cool 🙂
Tex
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